March 25th, 2003



I've been thinking a lot lately about the war, about protest tactics. My mood changed once I started talking to friends who thought that Thursday's protests were wrong. And though I still stand by my actions, it feels different than being surrounded by thousands of people who are all acting together with you. It brought back the fact that I normally dislike confrontation. I still haven't responded to my "liberal" friend claiming that the protestors are stupid, that the war is in the Iraqis' best interests, and that protests are not. I put "liberal" in quotes because he seems to subscribe to a liberal ideology but a libertarian-like set of morals.

I've been also writing a story of what happened Thursday, but as I'm a verbose writer, it's getting to be quite long... and I also keep getting distracted. I find writing to be frustrating; there was a lot of emotional content there that I can't seem to verbalise. I cried, I smiled, I was swept up by the mob, and at the same time I was controlling the mob, if to a small extent. The main of it is that I felt passion, something that's been missing from my life. And a great hope, during these dark times, that things can change, that enough people are willing to put so much of themselves forward as to break through the darkness.



Wednesday night we went to a handfasting ceremony, which is like a wedding, but different (it is now mostly a wiccan ceremony, though its origins are more interesting). This couple is getting married on the East coast, but since they have lots of friends here, they wanted to have a ceremony in San Francisco as well. It was actually really beautiful; they had readings done by their friends, and the vows talked a lot about both positive and negative aspects of relationships and how working through both of them would be important. I guess the difference from the traditional vows' lip-service to this idea ("in sickness and in health") is that traditional implies situational hardships, while this ceremony acknowledged hardships that the couple would cause each other. Anyway, very beautiful.

This weekend I didn't go so well. My body was reacting to not eating enough and subjecting myself to a lot of stress negatively. I was irritable most of the day on Saturday, and actually felt nauseous in the late afternoon. Though I had some people come over to watch Free Enterprise, which was a lot of fun. I think that if you are geeky, you would appreciate this movie. fanlain decided to make a couple of desserts for the people who came, which was pretty frustrating, since my diet forbids me to eat them.

Sunday I was feeling a bit better, but pretty tired from not having enough coffee. We went over to help K&B with their wedding invites, and then they took us out to a nice Thai dinner. I meant to do more in the day, like review a paper, but was just too tired. I even went to sleep before midnight, which, as you might be able to tell from these entries, is unusual for me.

Today I got to go to a dentist to get my third (!) crown. Take care of your teeth, kids (or, perhaps more relevantly, take care of your kids' teeth)! Mine weren't that great when I left Russia, and they steadily deteriorated, until I got them all fixed up towards the end of college. But now many of them are mostly filling, and so they need crowns. Oh well, maybe in 20 years tissue engineering or nanotechnology will solve my dental problems once and for all. Amazingly, my dentist did well with anesthetic this time, and I didn't feel any pain until much later in the day. The main trouble was bits of tooth flying all over my face. My dentist says he's had to upgrade his computer network, because his old software wasn't HIPPA compliant, and the new version of the software required newer hardware. And of course the new network has been crashing all the time. Gotta hate computers.