Toyota Financial: Wait, we'd rather buy the car for you! We'll give you a better offer!
US Bank: You want a credit card that gives you airline miles and no preset credit limit? No problem!
Verizon: You want to get a cellphone? That will be a $400 deposit. (And another $400 for a second line for fanlain.)
I guess I got overly excited by the fact that other companies treat me like I exist. We could order the phones in fanlain's name (or at least I think we could), but then we wouldn't get the discount they give to UofI employees, costing us a couple hundred dollars more in the long run. Grr...
Update: For reference, the monthly costs of the three options are roughly $60, $70, and $80/month respectively. The (non-refundable) start up costs are cheapest with option 3 ($0), about $50 with option 1, and some complicated amount more with option 2, but probably about $150.